Two opposing county chairman were sharing a rare moment together.
The Democratic chairman said, "I never pass up a chance to promote the party. For example, whenever I take a cab, I give the driver a sizable tip and say, 'Vote Democratic.'" cute adorable wears for prom party
His opponent said, "I have a better scheme, and it doesn't cost me a nickel. I don't give any tip at all. And when I leave, I also say, 'Vote Democratic.'"
CHRISTMAS BAKING PUN
This past weekend, I was doing some baking for the holidays. It was getting late and I was tired. So, I decided to leave the cleanup mess until the next morning.
The next morning, I was getting my coffee and I noticed thousands of little tiny footprints in the flour on the countertop.
Needless to say, I wasted no time calling the FBI.
They confirmed that I did, in fact, have AntTracks. Yikes!
Mr. Smith was a traveling salesman and frequent flyer, so he was always very careful to mark his luggage so that no one would mistakenly take his bags.
He always did this with bright ribbons and tape, so he was quite surprised to see his bags grabbed by a well dressed man when he got to the luggage carousel.
Mr. Smith walked over to the fellow and pointed out the colored ribbons tied to the handle, and the fluorescent tape on the sides.
"I believe that luggage is mine. Were your bags marked like this?" he asked.
"Actually", the man replied, "I was wondering who did this to my luggage."
An Adult Fairy Tale and a giggle
Once upon a time there lived a King who had the most beautiful daughter.
But there was a problem. Everything the princess touched would melt.
No matter what:
Anything she touched would melt.
Because of this, men were afraid of her. Nobody would dare marry her.
The King despaired. What could he do to help his daughter?
He consulted his wizards and magicians. One wizard told the King, 'If your daughter touches one thing that does not melt in her hands, she will be cured.'
The King was overjoyed and came up with a plan.
The next day, he held a competition. Any man that could bring his daughter an object that would not melt would marry her and inherit the King's wealth.
THREE YOUNG PRINCES TOOK UP THE CHALLENGE.
The first brought a sword of the finest steel. But alas, when the Princess touched it, it melted.
The prince went away sadly.
The second prince brought diamonds.
He thought diamonds are the hardest substance in the world and would not melt.
But alas, once the Princess touched them, they melted.
He too was sent away disappointed.
The third prince approached. He told the Princess, 'Put your hand in my pocket and feel what is in there.'
The Princess did as she was told, though she turned red.
She felt some thing very hard. She held it in her hand. And it did not melt!!!
The King was overjoyed. Everybody in the kingdom was overjoyed.
And the Prince married the Princess and they both lived happily ever after.
Question: What was in the Prince's pants????
M&M's of course! They melt in your mouth, not in your hand. What on earth were you thinking?
YOU'RE FROM A SMALL TOWN IF:
~ You can name everyone you graduated with.
~ You know what each H in 4-H stands for.
~ You give directions by references: "Turn by Nelson's house, go two blocks past Anderson's, and it's four houses left of the track field."
~ You can't help but date a friend's ex-girlfriend.
~ The town next to you is considered "trashy" or "snooty," but is actually just like your town.
~ Anyone you want can be found at either the Dairy Queen or the feed store.
~ You see at least one friend a week driving a tractor through town.
~ The city council meets at the coffee shop.
~ You decide to walk somewhere for exercise and 5 people pull over and ask if you need a ride.
~ Your teacher calls you by your older sibling's name.
~ Even the ugly people enter beauty pageants.
Hulk Write Book
One day Hulk was sitting in his office, and decided to write a book. Other well known book characters liked his idea and soon pens were flying!!
Despite what you might have thought, it didn't go over well and people would not buy their books. For the life of me I can't figure out why.
Here is a selection:
Anger Management by Hulk
Be the Life of the Party by Batman
Keep Your Feet on the Ground by Superman
How to Let Go of the Things You Love by Frodo Baggins
Tanning Basics by Snow White
How to be Hot by Mr. Freeze
And its companion: How to be Cool by Human Torch
How to Fit In by The Thing
The Life of a Mature Man by The Joker
Being a Modest Woman in Today's World by Wonder Woman and Black Cat
How to be Flexible by Frankenstein
How to Keep a Straight Face in All Situations by Mr. Flexible
How to Raise Your IQ by Bullwinkle Moose
Easy Manicures by Wolverine
How to Get Over Schizophrenia by Dr. Jekyll
The Complete Book of Manners by Venom
Practicing Good Hygiene by Count Olaf
How to Come Out of Your Shell for Young Adults by the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles